Maybe ISSA Healing?

🌻Every morning I wake up, my first thoughts are with you & God. 3 years later and I still try to make sense out of it. Maybe, just maybe if I listen a little harder or sleep a little deeper that I will be able to hear the cane metal click from your soft walks or the dragged out creaking the bathroom door makes as you delicately shut it. Maybe, just maybe if I lay still a little longer or close my eyes to mediate a little tighter I will be able to hear the slight clearing of your voice to get out a simple "Hello". That maybe if I had the strength I could get up to get you a glass of water and make you a quick breakfast to get me another 30 mins of shut eye. MAYBE.

🌻Maybe, just maybe. This could be another day, where my focus is on you & not myself. That you are clean, hair done, and dressed. That you are fed, filled with liquids, and have your meds. That you are comfortable, warm, and had rest. Maybe, today won't be too hard & you don't have to ask if I'm tired and insist that I take a nap so you can have your Shay back. MAYBE.

🌻Maybe, I could finish rushing my life to make sure you were apart of it. That, just maybe death would be so far and the memories could flow, just to hear you were proud and tell me stand strong. Maybe, if I zone out enough I could hear one of your "old" sayings and hear you hum your favorite hymns. MAYBE!

🌻Maybe, if I sit in the dark a little longer and close my eyes full of tears I would be able to see you "ow" and "aw" over every meal with a special wink for my sweet potato pies. That you insisted having after your dramatic saying "I'm so full, I could burst." Just MAYBE. If I seen you one more time I would be ok. If I could get some closure, ask for a last hug, and even question you about how you and grandpa feel in love. Maybe, I won't have to wait long because I know you are resting peacefully above.

(Thank You Jesus!🙏🏾)

Let us pray:

Father, I don't know how I will get through this but I ask for Your guidance. That You know my pain and how I cope, You know my heart and how I got through. I pray that today I am able to give someone strength and peace because that's exactly what You have given me. I pray that the unconditional love and light you have given me, oozes out of my pores and lands upon Your people. I pray that you come forth even more as El Mauz (God my strength), El Shama (God who hears), Jehovah Rapha (The Lord who heals), and Jehovah Shalom (the Lord of peace). My whole heart is surrendered to You for Your purpose, use me. Though this will hurt, use me. Though my eyes are full of tears and my heartaches, use me. There is nothing I want more but to be used for Your glory. Father, I love you more then anything and love your people just as You would. Thank You for this opportunity. May we all be at peace at the end of this read. You get all the glory. Amen 🙏🏾.

Talking to Heaven: 

I wanted to dedicate my blog to you, Mrs. Bessie. I want everything that I feel important to have light shined on it and you are the light itself. You are the foundation, creator, and force in itself. You didn't show love you are love. You didn't take no mess or played with it. You are elegance, class, and feminine a true definition of a woman. God fearing, motivational, and the best of spirits, You were unmatched when it came to caring for all. Nothing got past you and for that I dedicated a piece of my life to you. Thank you for being a grandmother. Thank you for being you and continuously showing love. 

In 2014, I lost my grandmother. I was devastated, young 22 year old that couldn't wrap her finger around losing someone close. Someone so influential and legendary, just gone with no true explanation than old age and a failing heart. Decisions had to be made, her body could no longer hold the pain she was feeling and she didn't deserve long suffering due to our selfish ability to just want her around. For long over 70 years, her and my grandfather built a foundation that celebrated love and family, though I am extremely positive that their was family drama it was never on display as an act of covering up but act of respect for the royalty of matriarch and patriarch that reflected off of them. 

I guess, this blog is a reflection of Gods glory to place a praying woman as the head of household. A woman that lost her husband 13 years before she passed and never felt the need to remarry but wore her wedding ring until it got too big and placed it on her necklace closer to her heart. A true Proverbs 31 woman, with a spirit of Mary from Bethany. I wanted to be just like her, I want to be just like her. That even on her death bed, she still worshipped Christ until her last breath. Though, she was a beautiful example of God's favor, I still didn't understand. It took years for me not to be angry and made it hard for me to look at her picture. People didn't understand the ability to hold on nor cared about the level my of hurt. Nobody wanted to talk about it. I had nobody, I had nobody....

I 

HAD

NOBODY😭🙈😔😞

Nobody let me cry on their shoulder, so I took matters into my own hands. I hated the world and I was in so much pain. Have you ever been truly heart broken? The kind of heartache that hurts so bad it feels like a heart attack. I spent weeks in darkness and no one noticed. I cried for weeks but no one cared. I was in so much pain, I knew 2014 was my last year here on Earth and I became at peace with that. The night I was ready to give up was the night I had an encounter with Christ (so much more to the story). The next day I woke up in newness, the air was fresh, I had no desire to drink, I had no pain, all I wanted to do was get dressed and enjoy my day. I was happy? How? I literally just wanted to die hours before. I looked in the mirror and I looked new, tears immediately erupted from me. How could this be? Who could this be? 

The Bible says in Psalms 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". Did God really have so much use for me that my life was valuable enough to save? Was I like King David in Psalms 56:8 "Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll are they not in your record" ” Was God so aware of me that He even collected my tears? 

From that day forward, I had to understand God is involved and aware of our pain, our joys, our failures, and our accomplishments. I understood that He truly was El Roi (God who sees all), He was my connector and source for all of my needs.

Sis, here are 4 ways to overcome heartache:

1. Recognize the pain and understand it is OK to hurt. We all go through hurt but it's not about the pain you endure, it's about how knowledgeable you are about it and overcoming it.

2. Seek the Healer. Seek God as your healer! Just like you tell a doctor your symptoms, tell God how much you were wounded and need His healing touch. He will hear the cries of the broken. God the Father wants to reach down, take your hand, and walk you through your pain. It may take weeks. For many of us it will take years, perhaps even a lifetime to close the wounds of our hearts completely. God will spend as much time and as many years as necessary to help you through it. He wants to gently apply the daily ointment of His Holy Spirit to your heart until your heart is healed. I know this because He has done it with me. When I am down, He lifts me up in many different ways. He is there for me to cry on His shoulder, so to speak, and then sends His encouraging Spirit to get me back up and going again.

3. Reach out to others. My walk has been dedicated to others to not make them feel as I once felt, alone. I know that isolation hurt, to want so bad to have someone around to just listen but want so bad not to be a burden. It's OK to talk it out with someone, swap stories, hug, it's all needed and apart of the healing process. Holding your feelings in only become worse and builds up to a breaking point. 

4. Understand HEALING takes time!!! Sister, take as much time as you need. It's YOUR hurt, you have to deal with it, don't let anyone make you feel that your hurt isn't important. Ignore everyone's ability to make you feel like it's been days, weeks, or years and you are supposed to be over it. Don't allow anymore to control how you heal, it's your pain, as long as you can take it to God you are in the healing process and I am proud of you. Always remember Psalms 147:3 says "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Trust His Word!

So I close this out in complete dedication to My grandmother Bessie Elise Cobb Reese, Happy 100th Birthday my beautiful redhead Queen. May you continue to rest in peace and be my angel. May you continue to personally watch after me and enjoy Heaven with grandpa. May your legacy continue to reside in us as we live daily. May you always be an example for generations to come. May we live out your graciousness and be held to the womanly standards you have set. I love you to Heaven and back.

Today mediate on Psalms 34:15, Psalms 147:3 , Psalms 56:8 & pray over your healing
Meanwhile, check out me and other women of God guest blogs with the Eve Release ministry
http://www.theeverelease.com/blog/

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