Deciding Not To Quit

Here it is, the last couple of weeks in December and I am excited for it.

2016 was, a lack of for better terms, HELL! It beat me to my core until I was sick. I spent days on my knees, up late in the midnight hours crying, mind raced a mile a minute DAILY and on top of that I lost EVERYTHING!! Not a sweet cute, oh I have to get my life together everything but EVERYTHING!

For me though, it is NEVER about material things. I understand and will always understand that material things come and go. I have always been blessed with a level of high discernment when it comes to understanding certain aspects of life, especially when they involve knowing the value of "things". I value life more than anything, I use to read a lot of urban fiction where there was drug dealing and shootings which allowed me to understand that losing someone isn't easy. Due to my ability to read and be very empathic, I thought it would get me ready for when I had to experience death. I learned quickly, IT DID NOT!! I still have to deal with the reality of mourning and not seeing someone I use to see all the time. This gives me an advantage in my walk. I got to understanding that life eventually ends and we have to go through the "motions" in order to get through it. I thought for a long time,I had to be "strong", I had to put on this "face" that everything is fine, and that it's just the motions. 2016 taught me that being broken before the Lord is what makes us strong. That the only way to be strong is to be weak, and the only way to be weak is to let the motions happen. I've learned that only through the process of weakness and prayer, strength comes. This births a testimony that eventually helps someone who is watching you closely to see what God is doing upon your life. I became satisfied, they become healed.

I value family (which includes my friends). My family is my life!!!! Wanting to be so much like them but being so different as well. Inheriting a lot of characteristics but also branching off and allowing God to work on me. A lot of people call me unique. God has been revealing just how unique I am. When I wanted to be like everyone else and "fit in" nothing went well for me. Being by myself, experiencing who I am, staying away from influences, and truly walking where God leads me brings me joy. I HAVE SO MUCH JOY!!! This joy is comes from my family and everything they are broken or fixed, good or bad, my family is prideful, strong, and rooted to everything we know. I am PROUD!!

I value love and time. I LOVE LOVE!!! I have always loved love. I will always love love!! SHOOT, my favorite holiday is Valentines (LOL). This will NEVER change!! In 2014-2016, I use to think that so many people I loved, wanted to see how far they could go before I allowed them to break me. Through being internal or out of pure unawareness, I wanted so bad to be the victim. I wanted to hold on to grudges and be so stuffed up with unforgiveness that I became stiff. I wanted everyone to hurt like I did. I wanted to see people cry in public just as they made me cry in private. EVERYONE who did not save me needed to feel the pain, but I couldn't be heartless anymore. I seeked everyone out to ask for forgiveness and cried out to God in prayer on my face EVERY night to be healed from such terrible spirit. I wanted forgiveness for the people I could not reached who I have hurt, asking for forgiveness for myself, and pleaded to God to have mercy on all of our souls, it was all apart of the timing. Time revealed to me I never knew what love was, I have never been in love, and creating my own definition of love is degrading to God who has given us the ability to have the perfect love inside of us. 2016 taught me that time/timing is everything, our best friend and more importantly I can not be broken.

In 2016, I decided not to quit. As I went through the motions, being broken, being humbled, losing pridefulness, being myself, taking the L's (slang for loses) it threw at me, loving harder than ever, forgiving, asking for forgiveness, holding my tongue, learning about my Heavenly Father, being a complete nerd and giving up the ideas of what people think about me. Hearing God whisper to me to just endure and how He loves me so, even though I am seriously a messed up individual, has been the best year of my LIFE!!! I am forever grateful!!


May, 2017 be in all of our favor. To God be the glory and victory!!

2 Chronicles 15:7
But you, be strong and do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded!"

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; Be dismayed, for I ma your God.
I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

*I would love to hear from you!!!, leave a comment. Have you decided not to give up?*

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It's POWER in your Tongue!!

Hello Lovelies,

Last week was a tough one in the presences of the Lord. Through doubt, self- love was placed on my heart. God allowed me to realize that throughout my journey, self-worthiness has been hard on me. Deciding if I am worthy enough to truly live out my life to the fullest and to seek God's kingdom or "just be me" was extremely hard. Especially when you feel like you are not worthy enough to receive everything our Father wants us to receive.

This world will get to us quick and attack us from the inside, out. So, it is extremely important that we stay rooted in the word of God. Things like my job, family, car issues, school, friends, and situations were affecting the way I thought about myself. It's HARD especially when you are fully in obedience to God, on your face daily, and being faithful. BUT your self love is lacking, as if God is like these human boys sending us (women) mixed signals on what we deserve.

Y'all listen, I am TRULY LIVING for Christ. I am in complete surrender to my Lord and Savior. On my face everyday and every night, church faithfully, and being obedient. I was spending time with Him every morning and night, submitted to Him everyday, and prayed all the time, but I still felt unworthy of His saving grace. I knew I couldn't rest there because God has been too good, raised me out of my dead situation and gave me life again. I needed to fix this!!

Here I am defeated and throwing the towel in on my worth. When on Saturday I attended a breast cancer luncheon with one of my sisters in Christ and while one of the panelist was PREACHING!! I heard the Holy Spirit say "Who gave you the spirit of defeat?", it shocked me. As I stood there and tried to make excuses as to why the spirit of defeat was on me. God showed me that even when I was younger I KNEW, I was going to win. So I looked in the mirror and asked myself, "Who gave you the spirit of defeat?"

The answer was.....Me!

I had got so caught up in my own head and being a ex-worldly girl I didn't even remember that Ephesians 2:8 says "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourself; it is the gift of God," 

So now I'm defeated, SELFISH, and rejected the amazing gift from God. Like wow, BreShay, REALLY?? I had to face Him through prayer. Who was I to say that I am truly living for God but denying the fact that being saved through my faith was a gift from God that I didn't deserve on my own account through my own mind.....WHAT??! Ladies and gentlemen this is a CLEAR example on exactly why you should NOT lean onto your own understanding because quite frankly, really truly...HONESTLY it can be very stupid at times.

I think I make my point!! You are your worse enemy. The devil does his part but it's all in the power of your tongue. If you choose to speak non-sense, the lack of self worthiness, and defeat into your life that's what you will recieve. (Proverbs 18:21) 

Today, choose to speak ALL godly and good things into your life. God wants us to recieve more, abundantly, and strength. Ask Him for guidance if you get stuck but NEVER take it into your own hands. You will be speaking things on your life God NEVER sent.

*Remember I would LOVE to hear your saving grace stories! Write/email me*

The Introduction: You are my EVERYTHING & I love you right now!!

Welcome Back Lovelies

During my various breaks, today was the toughest day ever!! 
God pushed me even farther. To not only come before Him but to come before you guys to tell my truth. Taking me completely out of my comfort zone to truly understand that my walk is a reflection of His grace and mercy, but I shall not make it personal and selfish. My testimony is His victory wrapped in sugar and honey to be served on  a gold platter that helps others through their troubles. It shall not be taken for granted. He made me understand that there is work to be done and when I am not being specific in my prayers, it causes a hinderous to my abilities to hear Him.

Today, my Father allowed Heaven to pour out and surround me. I have never felt this feeling before, for it is completely unexplainable but it is the most beautiful, joyful experience God has brought me to. He allowed me to know that an impact of His kingdom doesn't come if I am hiding or not expressing myself to the fullest of my potential. For this is all towards the advancement of His kingdom and the love He has shown continuously. 

Father, you are my everything. I love you so much and truly appreciate you for allowing Heaven to come despite my selfish attempts to ignoring the calling you have on my life. You have proved yourself and have showered me with unconditional love, care, kindness, grace, and undeniable mercy for I am still here living proof that You offer a supernatural healing which I am forever in debt to you for. You're so good to us and love us so much, so this is dedicated to you the Introduction of my calling since I was a little girl. I have become fully aware of who I am and will use my platform to encounter new people to You. 

Father, I just ask that you help me to become a vessel for your word, a servant to others, and a pure woman of You. Amen.

*Don't hesitate to write me your Introduction, testimony, & why you love our Father*

A Declaration to Him and His Love

Currently sitting on my bed, listening to Keyshia Cole, thinking and thanking God for my day. As I proceed to start my April book, that I had for a while but never had the chance to get into because of school. I open the front and a piece of paper fell out labelled "To: BreShay" Hesitantly, I took a deep breath and opened it. A huge smiley face on the top and writing right below.  It says:

"This is the first Valentines Day where I write out the "Valentine" personally. You mean so much to me Shay and I hope you know that . I want to show you just how much one day, but until then I hope my love will be enough.........that and the dates and flowers and the other cornball things your boyfriend loves to do. 

I love you baby...signed his name."

I smiled, then burst into tears. How is this still my life? How can we fall in love but can't fall out? For so long all I've wanted to do was to get over him, to not remember anything, to talk about it and be understood that my heart was in it. But I AM HURT, my feelings are shot and my heart is broken. I have for so long wanted people to just listen to me like I did in their situations but only about him. Nobody had any words for me, nor did they listen, and friends told me to get a hobby (as though this was suppose to stop my thoughts and feelings). So I decided to bottle it in, pretend as though I don't care but these things don't change my feelings. Though I don't hurt as much and took time to understand my worth and value. I won't downplay myself for someone who doesn't want to go the extra mile to make us work.

My battle though, is with the what if's. What if we could have worked it out or what if we were more mature, what if he could of understood me and me understand him. More so WHAT IF WE WOULD HAVE JUST TOOK A MOMENT?! Away from emotions and pride, hugged and said I love you one more time. What if we CARE more than we had miscommunication. What if he needed me, like I needed him and What if we thought it was, WE were worth it. What if at the end of the day we chose each other instead of the separate situations we were in. W H A T I F, we knew nothing was worth our love and We knew the universe was trying to drive us apart. What if God was testing us and we fail terribly. What if we weren't so stubborn?

I have battled with this so much and though there aren't many questions I can answer I can just ask God for guidance and that He keeps me focused through my trying times, whenever they appear. I was talking to a good friend the other day and we were discussing the deal breakers in our relationships and what we have to do as women to go the extra mile to secure our relationships with men we consider our best friends and lured us in to talk about marriage, how do we get those to work? Understanding that we will forever have trying times and we will make the commitment but where do we draw the line and how do we draw the line? Would we need counselling? Can we overlook deal breakers?

My Declaration to You & Our Love 

This year would have been five years with an amazing growing man, because I valued him and our relationship I will declare my love.

Sir, when I met you six years ago you were not my type. As I got to know you you became my best friend, a soul mate, a provider, a protector, my lover, my journal, and shoulder to cry on. You became more than I could have ever expected and I thank you for that. I put you on and extremely high pedestal, which probably was the down fall to our relationship because you could do no wrong in my eyes and when you did it was WW3, which I knew the feeling was vice versa. I want to apologize for that because I know we are human and do human things. 

I want to thank you for being so much more for me and being an experience that I would NEVER forget. You truly took care of me and I will forever love you for that. You taught me communication, love, and called me out on my B.S. You were always honest with me no matter how I reacted and I appreciate that more than you would ever know.
I never wanted anything but a friend, you became a person that I knew I couldn't live without. Though it's hard to this day, I still think about calling you first when things are good and bad because you truly were my best friend. I use to dream daily on being your wife and coming home to you every night. Thank you for giving me that much love. I still have hope for our friendship.
This is not to say I'm in love with you, because I don't know if I am. Though my trust is shattered with you, I still hold you dare in my heart. I will forever root for you and be your biggest cheerleader. I wish our future relationships feel the way you felt when you wrote the letter and how I felt the first time I read it. I could go on but I will leave it at...Take care of yourself. Truly take care of yourself, like I took care of you when you were sick. I do and always will love you.




Honestly could care less of anybody feelings for this post. I made it mean it!!!

Good Night.

March Madness or Make-up?

Hey Lovelies,

It's officially the month of March..Happy March!!!! This is the switch point of winter and the beautiful blossom of spring. The month of hope, where we hope and pray that winter doesn't last pass the first week and the aroma of the soft April showers bring in the pretty May flowers earlier than expected. March is where we look for the start of our sunny warm days, with our cool evenings, where we can reminisce of the old summer nights. Though, I am a winter baby, love the snow, and live for winter clothes and oversized sweaters. I would be lying if I said I did not want to sit downtown overlooking the water debating my life with the careless river. I would be lying if I said when I see the severe blizzard (very mild...lol!!), I wouldn't prefer to be headed on some sort of vacation off of an island on a beach somewhere. Those are just my personal preferences though.

This month is about our preferences as a people. Putting things into perspective, a full month from our New Year's resolution, surviving the wonderful historic tells of Black History month, onto the wrap up of winter and introducing spring at it's finest. The month of March is about refreshing oneself and getting reconnected. Making sure that the rest of the year isn't spent in regret. Making sure that anything from this first of the month on is about perseverance for the remaining of the year. It's about a do over for oneself, to start fresh after the shock of another year and hype of love month. March is the beginning of something special a second chance of awesomeness. How are you spending your first of March? How will you renew something in March? How will you reconnect?

Though all this is my opinion. I felt like March is what January and Birthday cake February couldn't help with. My gateway to complete my resolution and bury anything that is not like myself. So this March, I took the vow to fast. This is a month fast, where I truly deny myself of anything that is pleasurable to me. In the month, I will dedicate my mind, body, soul, spirit to the Lord and His purpose for my life. This is time spent away from anything that can jeopardize my relationship with God and my dedication to myself. 

Even though, I am participating in a self proclaim fast, asking for nothing in particular but to grow in Him and get over my own demons. I encourage others to participate, to just give themselves another chances to start over, set a goal, or accomplish something they always wanted to. Not giving up hope on the third month in this year. March is about the march on your life and taking a stand whether it's for yourself, Jesus, family, friends, or just because you are tired. Let March be the beginning of something special for you. Decide to die to yourself and reclaim your life. I am sure the Lord would enjoy receive your heart, it's never too late but sooner is always better then later.

Best,
Your loving, concerned and encouraging friend Bre.  

Becoming My Better Self

Lovelies, 

Daily I try to find new ways to be renewed. I want to turn the negatives into positives while out living and running away from my past. I only want to hear about the good things and surround myself with the best of the best people. I have these superhuman expectations for a world that's not even capable of providing the essentials we need as humans to survive, Hyping up the superficial, while we are dying constantly by various shooting, education that fails us, the lack of water, food, and shelter supply, and the "need" to keep up with trendy features. 

Recently, Kayne West goes on a Twitter rant to profuse his "love" for his craft and how he needs billionaires to fund him and his "amazing" art. He says he has the money to provide for his family but he doesn't have the money to produce the work that he would like to do. I wonder why that is though, it takes money to make money right? Any REAL entrepreneur or individual that really believes in their product wouldn't mind INVESTING their own money in order to make sure people get their product. Though, they may need help, millionaires reinvest their money. Am I right? 

All that to say, we put so much expectations into this world and people thinking that they will see what we see within ourselves. Though from the looks of Kayne clothing line, there is a very good chance he will waste money and I am sure this is why he isn't getting backed by people. I think he is so caught up making sure people see his potential instead of investing into himself and letting people see him as an artist and wanting to be apart of his art. 

For me, I use to want so bad for people to see the beautiful heart that I have, For people to understand that sometimes my reactions can be hurst and strong, irrational and not what you expect. Sometimes I say things I don't mean and I am not always myself. I have bad days, amazing days, and content days where I am either up or down. For so long I tried to convince people that I am either or and you have to accept me the way I am, but no one ever understood that. At 24 years old, my mother still doesn't understand that. I try to convince people that I am always black or white but NEVER gray! NEVER gray! There is no in between when it comes to me. I am not perfect or ever will I be, though I try hard to do everything perfectly

I would tell everyone that came into my life "Just rock with me and I would make you the happiest man in the world". In hopes that he would see my potential and not walk away from me. The friends I gained I would put up with so much disrespect and doing things I didn't want to do, in order to make sure I had "friends" to call. Only to realize none of those things mattered. I never needed a man nor do I need friends. 

I need the grace and mercy of God.I know now that He will remove, replace, and increase relationships for me if he wants me to have them. I know that He is the head of my life and I trust Him to make all the decisions in my life. From the things I wear daily to the things and people I have in my life. I try to find new ways to be renewed in Him to make sure that I don't get consume by this world and the expectations it has for me but, to focus on His purpose for me. 

So as of today, I will continue to be renewed daily!! I will find my purpose. All negatives will become positives and I will only speak of good things, have good thoughts, and be stress free. I will accept things for what they are and just pray on the things I don't accept. I will continue to not be perfect but I WILL be the best woman I can be. I will stay away from the expectations of this world and people and focus on the will of God. I am loving the Lord more then life itself in hopes that I can one day return to Him and pick His brain and heart to be just like Him. Though this is easier said then done, I am truly committed and enjoy every bit of love from my Father. 

Who's with me? Lets love our better selves more and grow in God.

Be Blessed!!