2016 was, a lack of for better terms, HELL! It beat me to my core until I was sick. I spent days on my knees, up late in the midnight hours crying, mind raced a mile a minute DAILY and on top of that I lost EVERYTHING!! Not a sweet cute, oh I have to get my life together everything but EVERYTHING!
For me though, it is NEVER about material things. I understand and will always understand that material things come and go. I have always been blessed with a level of high discernment when it comes to understanding certain aspects of life, especially when they involve knowing the value of "things". I value life more than anything, I use to read a lot of urban fiction where there was drug dealing and shootings which allowed me to understand that losing someone isn't easy. Due to my ability to read and be very empathic, I thought it would get me ready for when I had to experience death. I learned quickly, IT DID NOT!! I still have to deal with the reality of mourning and not seeing someone I use to see all the time. This gives me an advantage in my walk. I got to understanding that life eventually ends and we have to go through the "motions" in order to get through it. I thought for a long time,I had to be "strong", I had to put on this "face" that everything is fine, and that it's just the motions. 2016 taught me that being broken before the Lord is what makes us strong. That the only way to be strong is to be weak, and the only way to be weak is to let the motions happen. I've learned that only through the process of weakness and prayer, strength comes. This births a testimony that eventually helps someone who is watching you closely to see what God is doing upon your life. I became satisfied, they become healed.
I value family (which includes my friends). My family is my life!!!! Wanting to be so much like them but being so different as well. Inheriting a lot of characteristics but also branching off and allowing God to work on me. A lot of people call me unique. God has been revealing just how unique I am. When I wanted to be like everyone else and "fit in" nothing went well for me. Being by myself, experiencing who I am, staying away from influences, and truly walking where God leads me brings me joy. I HAVE SO MUCH JOY!!! This joy is comes from my family and everything they are broken or fixed, good or bad, my family is prideful, strong, and rooted to everything we know. I am PROUD!!
I value love and time. I LOVE LOVE!!! I have always loved love. I will always love love!! SHOOT, my favorite holiday is Valentines (LOL). This will NEVER change!! In 2014-2016, I use to think that so many people I loved, wanted to see how far they could go before I allowed them to break me. Through being internal or out of pure unawareness, I wanted so bad to be the victim. I wanted to hold on to grudges and be so stuffed up with unforgiveness that I became stiff. I wanted everyone to hurt like I did. I wanted to see people cry in public just as they made me cry in private. EVERYONE who did not save me needed to feel the pain, but I couldn't be heartless anymore. I seeked everyone out to ask for forgiveness and cried out to God in prayer on my face EVERY night to be healed from such terrible spirit. I wanted forgiveness for the people I could not reached who I have hurt, asking for forgiveness for myself, and pleaded to God to have mercy on all of our souls, it was all apart of the timing. Time revealed to me I never knew what love was, I have never been in love, and creating my own definition of love is degrading to God who has given us the ability to have the perfect love inside of us. 2016 taught me that time/timing is everything, our best friend and more importantly I can not be broken.
In 2016, I decided not to quit. As I went through the motions, being broken, being humbled, losing pridefulness, being myself, taking the L's (slang for loses) it threw at me, loving harder than ever, forgiving, asking for forgiveness, holding my tongue, learning about my Heavenly Father, being a complete nerd and giving up the ideas of what people think about me. Hearing God whisper to me to just endure and how He loves me so, even though I am seriously a messed up individual, has been the best year of my LIFE!!! I am forever grateful!!
May, 2017 be in all of our favor. To God be the glory and victory!!
2 Chronicles 15:7
But you, be strong and do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded!"
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; Be dismayed, for I ma your God.
I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
*I would love to hear from you!!!, leave a comment. Have you decided not to give up?*
