March Madness or Make-up?

Hey Lovelies,

It's officially the month of March..Happy March!!!! This is the switch point of winter and the beautiful blossom of spring. The month of hope, where we hope and pray that winter doesn't last pass the first week and the aroma of the soft April showers bring in the pretty May flowers earlier than expected. March is where we look for the start of our sunny warm days, with our cool evenings, where we can reminisce of the old summer nights. Though, I am a winter baby, love the snow, and live for winter clothes and oversized sweaters. I would be lying if I said I did not want to sit downtown overlooking the water debating my life with the careless river. I would be lying if I said when I see the severe blizzard (very mild...lol!!), I wouldn't prefer to be headed on some sort of vacation off of an island on a beach somewhere. Those are just my personal preferences though.

This month is about our preferences as a people. Putting things into perspective, a full month from our New Year's resolution, surviving the wonderful historic tells of Black History month, onto the wrap up of winter and introducing spring at it's finest. The month of March is about refreshing oneself and getting reconnected. Making sure that the rest of the year isn't spent in regret. Making sure that anything from this first of the month on is about perseverance for the remaining of the year. It's about a do over for oneself, to start fresh after the shock of another year and hype of love month. March is the beginning of something special a second chance of awesomeness. How are you spending your first of March? How will you renew something in March? How will you reconnect?

Though all this is my opinion. I felt like March is what January and Birthday cake February couldn't help with. My gateway to complete my resolution and bury anything that is not like myself. So this March, I took the vow to fast. This is a month fast, where I truly deny myself of anything that is pleasurable to me. In the month, I will dedicate my mind, body, soul, spirit to the Lord and His purpose for my life. This is time spent away from anything that can jeopardize my relationship with God and my dedication to myself. 

Even though, I am participating in a self proclaim fast, asking for nothing in particular but to grow in Him and get over my own demons. I encourage others to participate, to just give themselves another chances to start over, set a goal, or accomplish something they always wanted to. Not giving up hope on the third month in this year. March is about the march on your life and taking a stand whether it's for yourself, Jesus, family, friends, or just because you are tired. Let March be the beginning of something special for you. Decide to die to yourself and reclaim your life. I am sure the Lord would enjoy receive your heart, it's never too late but sooner is always better then later.

Best,
Your loving, concerned and encouraging friend Bre.  

Becoming My Better Self

Lovelies, 

Daily I try to find new ways to be renewed. I want to turn the negatives into positives while out living and running away from my past. I only want to hear about the good things and surround myself with the best of the best people. I have these superhuman expectations for a world that's not even capable of providing the essentials we need as humans to survive, Hyping up the superficial, while we are dying constantly by various shooting, education that fails us, the lack of water, food, and shelter supply, and the "need" to keep up with trendy features. 

Recently, Kayne West goes on a Twitter rant to profuse his "love" for his craft and how he needs billionaires to fund him and his "amazing" art. He says he has the money to provide for his family but he doesn't have the money to produce the work that he would like to do. I wonder why that is though, it takes money to make money right? Any REAL entrepreneur or individual that really believes in their product wouldn't mind INVESTING their own money in order to make sure people get their product. Though, they may need help, millionaires reinvest their money. Am I right? 

All that to say, we put so much expectations into this world and people thinking that they will see what we see within ourselves. Though from the looks of Kayne clothing line, there is a very good chance he will waste money and I am sure this is why he isn't getting backed by people. I think he is so caught up making sure people see his potential instead of investing into himself and letting people see him as an artist and wanting to be apart of his art. 

For me, I use to want so bad for people to see the beautiful heart that I have, For people to understand that sometimes my reactions can be hurst and strong, irrational and not what you expect. Sometimes I say things I don't mean and I am not always myself. I have bad days, amazing days, and content days where I am either up or down. For so long I tried to convince people that I am either or and you have to accept me the way I am, but no one ever understood that. At 24 years old, my mother still doesn't understand that. I try to convince people that I am always black or white but NEVER gray! NEVER gray! There is no in between when it comes to me. I am not perfect or ever will I be, though I try hard to do everything perfectly

I would tell everyone that came into my life "Just rock with me and I would make you the happiest man in the world". In hopes that he would see my potential and not walk away from me. The friends I gained I would put up with so much disrespect and doing things I didn't want to do, in order to make sure I had "friends" to call. Only to realize none of those things mattered. I never needed a man nor do I need friends. 

I need the grace and mercy of God.I know now that He will remove, replace, and increase relationships for me if he wants me to have them. I know that He is the head of my life and I trust Him to make all the decisions in my life. From the things I wear daily to the things and people I have in my life. I try to find new ways to be renewed in Him to make sure that I don't get consume by this world and the expectations it has for me but, to focus on His purpose for me. 

So as of today, I will continue to be renewed daily!! I will find my purpose. All negatives will become positives and I will only speak of good things, have good thoughts, and be stress free. I will accept things for what they are and just pray on the things I don't accept. I will continue to not be perfect but I WILL be the best woman I can be. I will stay away from the expectations of this world and people and focus on the will of God. I am loving the Lord more then life itself in hopes that I can one day return to Him and pick His brain and heart to be just like Him. Though this is easier said then done, I am truly committed and enjoy every bit of love from my Father. 

Who's with me? Lets love our better selves more and grow in God.

Be Blessed!!

How loving him, turns to loving Him.

Around this time last year, I lost my grandmother and my best friend, my boyfriend, what I thought was going to be the only man I would and could ever love. I was broken beyond, broken could be. He was a MAJOR part of me and my daily life. The first time telling this story to the world because it hurt so bad but I've realize it's a testimony.

I wouldn't do this because I would prefer to keep it to myself. But I would be selfish if I didn't share this story:
Last night, I was laying in my bed and I wanted to play this song. The song I knew was for us that one day I would be brave enough to play it for him.
I am a woman that connections through music, you can tell my emotions and what I've been through on how I connect with the music I play. So this song meant everything to me. 
When I heard it for the first time I knew he would love it, because he loved every song I sent to him and listened to them thoroughly, I LOVED THAT MAN!! But I never got to play it for him because at the time we were dealing with somethings. For the first time in 8 months (we've been broken for 11 months), I was able to lay in my bed and smile. When we broke up, I was heart broken to the point I couldn't breath, I wanted to die, I was drowning in depression, I hated myself, I hated him, I stayed in the bed, and slept all day, stayed up all night and thought about how I could make it better, I hated my life, my situation, and cut off everyone around me and I was so deep in I couldn't pull myself out. The saddest part was I was looking for him to save me, like the good ole days when his favorite part was to show up, tell me why I hurt him and I tell him he hurt me, and he say we need to fix this because we can't be without each other but he never showed up. So I was stuck fixing it by myself something I never had to do since we first got together 4 years ago. It was time that I woman'ed up and got over it, so I cut off anything that reminded me of him. Mostly music because everything else was mental but music got me the most. So for 8 months, I was able to avoid any emotional connection to him especially the song I heard last night, the one I knew I was going to dedicate to him on our wedding day.

This time was different though, I took a VERY deep breath and prepared to play the song. I needed to hear something that made me want to feel the love we had. That DEEP, tense, love that when I saw him EVERYTIME I got butterflies and I mean EVERYTIME even just waking up to him in the AM, I always felt like the luckiest girl in the the world. He's walk, the way he talked, and how sexy he was when he was thinking and never hesitated to tell me what was on his mind...I say again I LOVED THAT MAN!!! So I started the song, (Oh Lord!!!) I was in store for a pool full of emotions, I was ready to cry myself to sleep like I did 8 months ago. The song was playing I got emotional but in a good way. I thought about him and I use to imagine him he would propose to me. I knew whatever he would've done would've been LOVELY, he thinks outside the box. Or would it been so simple I NEVER seen it coming. Regardless he would of blew my mind. Then I got emotional, very emotional not because I want to kiss on over his face and get on his nerves like I use to when he would fall asleep on me and I want him to stay up, or not because I longed for the need to feel him hurting my ribs when he pulled me closed to him every single night. It was because I not longer felt that hurt in my heart, that God really did a number on me to bring me from where I was to now. I have NEVER felt so strong in my life, my heart has never felt so cured. Then I was able to thank him (replaying the song for the tenth time), I was able to thank him for allow me to fall in love so deep that I couldn't see anything but our future and thank Him for that feeling. Then I thank Him for the feeling that I thought death would only cure my heart and being in His presence in sin was the only way I would forgive myself.

Last night, I slept peacefully. Last night I faced my fears with God standing right by my side. Last night I no longer had to hide from my feelings and cover my heart. Last night, I heard God say I got you. Last night, I didn't feel alone, Last night, I was able to love him for who he was and what we've been through. Last night, I fell in love with myself all over again, knowing I am  Queen of my own right that I fight so hard and I'm so passionate about my love for EVERYTHING. Last night, I fell in love with God and all He does for me. Last night, I became faithful, to God and our process. Last night I let go of the past and truly loved it for what it was. Last night, I realized that any man that was to love me wouldn't let me hurt so bad. Last night, I no longer needed him.

Last night, I became a woman of God!! I was able to love my celibacy more, my love to close my mouth and open my ears, my love to be obedient and only focus on God, my love to love harder and love everyone. I became at ease, I became grateful, and I became faithful to God.  

To him: I love you, I still believe that no one but your mother would love you more then I do and that's iffy lol!! You are amazing, I want nothing but the best for you, you deserve it all!! Have fun, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, and get what you want. You have no limits. Thank you for EVERYTHING!!!!

Yours truly,
The Beautiful & Very Lovely BreShay

Hard Times?? TRUST!

It's been a while but I'm back!!

2014 was a HARD year but I've conquered it through the grace of God.  It only taught me to be strong and to trust no one but God. I can't help but to think though, people aren't worth anything which takes me to a very inhuman place and I can't help but to notice that I have to have human tendency to stay on earth. 

I guess it all boils down to Trust. Trusting, yourself with what you believe in and trusting your process. That your purpose on Earth goes beyond heights that you can't even imagine. You have to trust God to get you there as well. Just like me tonight was a HARD one, I have them sometimes. This past summer (2014), I lost my grandmother her heart failed after 97 years of  life. That was my pride and joy, she was my motivation for everything and I lost that. The sweetest woman I have ever known had left me on this Earth to meet her maker and return to her husband for over 60 years. WHAT A BLESSING. I got to missing her so much that to this day I still cry. Mainly, because everything seemed so simple with her here those were also the better days, She was funny, loving, and was VERY God fearing. I'm fighting to be half the woman she was. Tonight she was heavy on my heart, so I  had to take a drive. Without her it seems, like my life is purposeless but I know that's beyond the truth because she's watching over me everyday. 

During, my drive I was able to go see the city lights of AA (beautiful place my ex-boyfriend use to take me), there I cried about EVERYTHING and then mediated. I was able to hear everything God wanted to say to me as He wiped my tears away. I have never felt so relaxed and assure of myself until I drove back home. This refreshed me, even though you get discourage and feel you have no purpose, no one is there for you or you can't go on you have to search for God and get back to your purpose. You owed yourself that. We, as humans, tend to get down on ourselves which causes us to fall into depression and if your like me EXTREMELY emotional, it's really hard to come out of it. I pray that all finds their purpose on this Earth but all in reflection of God. His opinion of you should be the only one that matters. Confirm to Him before making all your decisions He will truly guide you on what to do, TRUST His timing He knows you better then you know yourself.

It's 2015, the victory is yours, trust it!! 

Taking On Life & Accepting It.

Taking On Life And Accepting It.

Living in this world would probably have you loose your mind. IT'S CRAZY!!!! 
The ups and downs, ends and outs at any giving time would probably have a hold on you thinking that it's going to be the end. I'm here to tell you it's NOT! 
The trails of life are met to leave lessons whether your young or old and it's about learning from them. Everyone goes through these trails and some may learn but most definitely others may not. If your on the right road to get where you want to be and what you want to do with your life it's not up to you to make sure the others get to their destination.
No one should settled for less then what they are entitled to. It's beneath your worth and your worth is way more then putting any type of price on it (unless it's in the billions...;) j/k).  
The price on life should be determined by the love you have for yourself and that should always stay at being priceless.
Enjoy life, SERIOUSLY, look at the bad as a lesson learned and the good as opportunity.
It's all met to better your life after all. :D